“I cannot read, but the Word of God has come into my life and filled my heart.”

This week we began our discipleship school in Engikaret called Taa Ya Mbali, A Distant Light, and almost everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong.  Both of our cars broke down this month so we used a motorcycle to get out to the neighboring villages to meet with students and their pastors.  A couple of students showed up without their school fees.  Two young women arrived and stayed for a day only to inform us after the first day they were in the wrong place.  They thought they were coming to computer school and would be leaving that afternoon.  Two women arrived after walking over 8 hours on foot with their luggage.  However, in the distance we noticed more than just their luggage, but also their children in tow.  Quite a bit of the week was spent maneuvering our sleeping quarters to accommodate small children.  Some of the women were forbidden by their husbands to come to class, so we had meetings over tea with the men requesting opportunities for their wives to come.  Lots of things were difficulties that needed to be overcome, but none of them were so terrible as to overshadow the incredible fruit that is growing in the hearts of the people in class.  I just wanted to quote a few things that the students shared this week from what they learned.  We had a teacher from Tanzania named Immanuel this week teaching about Sin, Repentance, and Forgiveness and this is what they learned.

“I now know what Repentance is.”  Can you imagine the value of knowing repentance?  Can you imagine the difference in life between knowing and not knowing the freedom that comes from repentance?

“Other teachers will come and go, but now have laid for us a foundation for others to build on.” 

“We thank God for the words He has brought us.  We are few here in class, but we are grateful that you teach us anyway because even though we are few, we will go out and change the rest of our people.”

“We’ve learned so much this week already.  By the end, we see that we will have been built up enough to be different.”

“The reason we are here is because of God.  We have learned things we did not know.  I am amazed God has given us as women a chance to come and learn when we would never have been able to have left.  I am full of the fear of God.”

“It is not my teacher that taught me, but my God has taught me.”

And my personal favorite from this week that has been worth any number of problems.

“I cannot read, but the Word of God has come into my life and filled my heart.”

My heart is broken

Hannah’s birthday was this past Thursday and it came with such excitement and joy until we got to Engikaret.  We arrived there in the morning to get the class set up for nick and for the girls and I to get settled to be able to help with an American team that was coming out to see Engikaret and help with a clinic.  Once we got out there a young lady came up with her mother-in-law and it seemed there was something in her hands underneath her shuka (the cloth they wear).  My mom was there as well and asked what is going on.  They got there very early for the clinic and we were wondering why.  Slowly the young girl, who is maybe 13 or 14, pulled her shuka back and I gasped.  I had never seen anything like I had seen that day.  A day that had started out being so full of life for my family as Hannah was turning 5 became a day of complete sadness in my heart. I stared at a little baby that looked as if he had already gone to be with Jesus.  I have never seen a baby so small and helpless in my entire life.

 

  My heart sank and the overwhelming emotion was showing on my face so I left to compose myself to once again go out and talk with the women.  As I joined them again my mom felt the babys chest to see if he was dead but she said she felt a pulse.  An urgency arose in us and a desire to do something but once again looking at the baby I had to leave the room, take deep breathes and come back. I knew if I showed what I felt it would scare this young mom.  I continued to try and get the story from them and they claimed the baby was born 2 weeks ago and had been unable to suck.  The mom then didn’t produce a lot of milk so in the 2 weeks since he had been born, he had been unable to eat anything.   He had literally been starving to death.  I was so surprised he was even still alive.  At that moment some more staff came around and started asking questions.  I retreated back to the place where my girls were playing and just looked at them.  The most overpowering feeling of love and thankfulness for my children surrounded me and I wept.  My heart broke for the young mama that sat helplessly with her baby in her arms, so unsure of what the future would hold for her baby.    As I ventured out again to see what the progress was I saw Nick talking with her and getting his keys out of his pocket.  It is so hard living here and trying to figure out when to help someone get to the hospital, when to push the husband harder to pay for the trip and the stay at the hospital… but this time there was no question.  Nick was ready to go and put the young mama with her sweet baby and her mother-in-law in the car and drove off in a hurry.  The first hospital with an incubator did not have electricity so Nick got back into the car and drove another 30 minutes to another hospital with an incubator.  They brought in the baby and Nick sat in the car to wait.  We have learned that no matter how badly we want to accompany someone to the hospital, for their sake it is not a good idea. The fees for the hospitals service goes up when someone sees a white face. 

This happened last Thursday and we haven’t heard yet if the baby is still alive or not.  We have heard some rumors about what happened and what is happening in that Boma of Masaai out in Engikaret.  This young mama’s sister-wife is one of my good friends out there and we asked her why she didn’t help this young mom go somewhere.  There was just silence.  There is something going on, some knowledge they have that they are trying to keep secret from all of us.  Please pray for the truth to come out, for the base to know how to approach this boma and the problems happening in it.  There are some very influential people in that boma and we are praying for safety and wisdom among the leaders there.   Please pray for the young mama as we don’t know the outcome but no matter what this is a hard time in her life.   Please pray for our hearts to continue to break for God’s people and for wisdom to know how to help those around us. 

Thank you so much for praying

The last three months in America were so great for our family.  Honestly, I was a little afraid that after going back to America I would want to stay or the I would feel it was better for our family to live in America.  We had an amazing time but it also confirmed in our hearts how much Tanzania has become a home for our family.  We loved seeing everyone and sharing our lives and hearing from all of you.  When we got on that plane to return to Tanzania I was scared because I thought that maybe I was just remembering wrong about being in Tanzania, but after setting foot in our house in Arusha it felt soo good to be HOME!  Of course, being a mom, I am always nervous about how the girls will do but it was amazing how they responded to being back!   After 5 days of travel (which I would never recommend to anyone with two kids) we rode in a school bus back to our base and the joy in Hannah and Hailey’s faces made me so happy.  They were so excited to get home.  Hannah and Hailey ran into her house so thankful to be back.  All the little neighbor kids came and Hannah just hugged them all!  While we were in America it took us forever to put our kids to bed.  Nothing was ever normal because we were moving everywhere, sleeping in different rooms, different beds, with different family, etc.  There was never any consistency and bed time was a very hard part of our day.  Since we have been here bed time has been so great! The girls are loving every minute of having their room and  their home that they know so well.

The transition home has been such a good one for our family and we are so thankful.  Thank you to all of you that have been praying for our family and our time in America and our trip back home to Tanzania. 

Since being home it has been a slow start. We didn’t realize how busy we were in the states until we came back here and thought back over the past 3 months!  This past week has been spent getting back into this time zone, saying our hellos, getting our cars fixed and reregistered and ready for the bush again and getting our home set back up with some furniture improvements (thanks to Kyle Krueger and my amazing husband).  We also spent a day going out to Maasailand, walking to the bomas and visiting our friends that we have missed while being away! The girls were so excited to get back out to see the Maasai and Hannah couldn’t get enough of the tea they were serving her in their bomas!  She was also so excited to see all of her friends that she had been going to school with before she left and they were equally excited to see her though they don’t speak each other’s language. It was so fun to watch our kids reunite with the Maasai and see their love for the people we are here to serve. 
We are also starting the process of adoption.  As most of you know we have been planning to adopt for the past year now and have been anxiously waiting the day we returned to Tanzania so we could start the process. We have turned in our paperwork for foster care and are now waiting for the social worker and the commissioner's approval.  We have visited the orphanage and met some of the children available.  Last week we met with a lawyer and were told we need to name the child we would like to bring home to foster before we can proceed.  This has been an emotional process for us but we have set some guidelines that have made it easier for us to decide what child will be in our home.  There are so many different rules here in Tanzania and so many different opinions about the way to go about finding a child that is available for adoption.  We have tried to take all of the opinions and work through them to find what is best for our family.  The girls are getting anxious to know who their little brother will be (only boys are available at this moment) and so are we!   At the end of the week last week, we named a baby and are waiting for the social worker to approve him for adoption. We are so excited to be able to share our new child with you once he meets his sisters and he comes home with us!  Please be praying for the process as just like any other process here in Tanzania there is bound to be some ups and downs and misunderstandings and frustrations along the way.  We are trying to prepare for those but we know there is really no way to be ready for what is ahead.
We miss you all and would love to hear from you!  Thank you again for everything you have done in our lives and in the ministry here in Tanzania.  We feel so blessed to have such a loving family back in the States that are praying for us and encouraging us along the way.

Update Video!

Satan's Vomit, Restored Blessings

"Tukurum alakatrwa imayanat ainei niyawa"
Translation: Vomit those blessings out Satan that you stole from me!

In the middle of class in Engikaret, we saw 3 large trucks pull into the base.  A couple of the police officers hoped out to use the restroom.  They jumped back into the trucks and rode off into the bush to quiet down the violence.  The women in class, though, were already too discrupted to continue with class.  The thought of the men from their village in harms way was too much.  They all began to weep; wailing prayers for their husbands and sons. 
The Arushan Tribe has plenty of water, but not enough land for their cattle to graze.  The Maasai have space.  They've kept their birthrights, their family lands and have plenty of room.  But the water passes through Arushan' territory.  The water line was cut and war broke out.  At the peak of the incident there were over 10,000 warriors stationed on either side of a property line chanting, clanging spears, daring each other to cross the line. 
The police failed, the chiefs failed, the government failed.  The last line of defense before the military opened fire was a small group of pastors that met to pray and adjure the warriors to stop! 
A week later I was 20 miles into the bush, again in the middle of class when a small boy ran into class.  "The Arushans are here!"  Again, the class was beyond salvaging so again we cut class short.  That night I got home safely but the Chief of Engikaret didn't.  Angry youth saw him on the road and speared him twice knocking him out of a tree.  The elder that was with him was punctured by the same spears over 20 times in his legs and arms. 

Class was ruined, homes were burned, friends were cut, speared and beaten, and peace was stolen.  Blessings were consumed.  Then, I went to church on Sunday and I heard words that changed everything.  I hear a lot of murmuring and worrying when scary things happen usually and when it comes to problems at large it seems like the common response is, "well lets play the cards we've been delt."  "God's in control, lets see what He does."  But that's not what I heard in church on Sunday from this very same group of men and women.  They sang a new song that I've not yet heard.  The translation: Satan, you vomit out those blessings you stole from me!"  Whether they have read the Bible through or not, whether they are theology scholars or not, one thing they understand better than I do; just because things are the way they are doesn't mean they have to stay that way.  At what's more, payer and intercessory worship works!  In church that day they declared, out loud, with singing and jumping, "Satan, you throw back up those blessings you stole from me!  Those are mine!  They are meant for me!  My Father intended them for my life!  Now you give them back!"  The authority of the cross isn't lost in translation nor is it masked by certain cultures.  The power of Jesus is the power of Jesus! 

The Midas Touch

 

We find the longer we are here, the more we see things we have ruined.  Of course, there are even more times Jesus has used us to mend people back together.  But the longer we are here, the more things we make a mess of.

I invited a young, bright, fresh, excited teenager to come and help with my literacy class.  I told him he could come and learn how to teach and one day God might call him to be a teacher himself.  The next week, his father came with all of his elder brothers asking for more information about when and how I was taking their son to America with me and paying for his college education...oops

I began praying months ago for a discipleship program to start in Maasailand.  We have begun meeting now in a team to pray together.  One pastor in kiserian has become a close friend.  We have talked often about discipleship for the Maasai and so recently I asked him to begin praying this through with us.  A week later, he called my boss and asked where he should write down the names of all of the people that have agreed to enter this school...uh oh

A Maasai woman, a close friend of Heidi's, was at a boma i was visiting.  She asked when mama Hannah was coming to visit.  I told her i would ask her that day when I returned when she might come.  The next morning the woman came to ask why I had lied to her.  She waited up until late into the night with already cooked tea for Heidi to come.  She never showed...fail!

The poor young girl, orphan, single mother of twins we wrote about in the post titled, The Victory, is supporting herself and her children.  We came a couple of times to visit the children and help with a little money for good milk and porridge every month and told her we could help with her education.  She went for a month to school, then her family told her that she was no longer theirs, but one of those white people.  If the white people want their children taken care of so Lightness can go to school, then the white people can pay for us to watch them.  If the white people want the babies to live in the uncle's house, then the white people can pay for the room, and the bed, and the cooking utensils...now what?

You know the Midas touch, even though it is gold, it is a curse.  What about when the things you touch ruin? What kind of a curse is it when whatever you touch is broken?  For me today, I call it a blessing.  For me, I call it revelation, enlightenment, an awakening.  If what I touch turns to gold, I am tempted to think my awesomeness is fixing Africa!  Pretty soon I start eating golden hotdogs and those neither go down nor come out easy.  The blessing for us today is to see and know that we are wandering in the dark making messes as we go, but His word, His fresh, new, living and personal Words "are a lamp to our feet and a light to our path."  When my eyes are open, I can see all the good that we are God is doing here in Tanzania AND all the things that we are ruining God is still working to restore.  I have told myself and testified to others many times about the good work WE have done for those twins and their mother.  WE have changed their lives and then WE close that book and look for something else to open up. But surely, the work JESUS is doing is certainly not finished in that family He has created.    He has restored and He will continue restoring.  How dare I give in to the pride of applying to the work of God in the hearts of men and women my need for finality so I can have feelings of productivity. 

As I read this week in Isaiah, I see myself in the lives of the Israelites.  Jesus says, through the voice of Jehovah, passing through the mind, arms, hand, down to the pen and out in the ink and soaked into the parchment paper,

 

 "Why should you be beaten anymore? Why do you persist in rebellion? Your whole head is injured, your whole heart afflicted.  From the sole of your foot to the top of your head there is no soundness — only wounds and welts and open sores, not cleansed or bandaged or soothed with olive oil."

 

In the darkness, I knock everything over, I bump my knees, I run into the wall and I get all bloodied up.  Jesus asks, "why do you keep beating yourself in the dark? Turn on the stinking light!"

Stuff gets ruined! Toes get stubbed!  Why on earth would I leave my sores uncovered and continue blundering in the dark? Cover yourself with oil, cleanse your welts and wounds, and turn the lights on so you can see! 

This week, I am reminded that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but I can do nothing except for the grace of the Lord.   The awesome stuff I see God doing in my life I give him praise.  The awful things that happen in this fallen earth, and the blunders I see myself creating, I give Him worship because He is not finished.  And as far as today is concerned, it is enough for me.

Peace that passes all understanding: My electrocution story:)

These past 36 hours have been one of the scariest/peaceful/frustrating/helpless times I have experienced. 

As most of you reading this know on Tuesday morning around 4 a.m. the girls woke up for some strange reason. Nick got up with them and then I heard more crying so I got up to see what was happening.  When I got up Nick asked me if I could unplug the refrigerator because it was making a funny noise.  I was exhausted and without really thinking reached and started pulling out the plug and the electricity caught me.  I couldn’t let go and for about 5 seconds held onto the plug and finally I was released. I remember thinking very clearly, “don’t fall, sit down slowly” but I was shaking so badly.  I ended up on my knees unable to speak.  Nick ran in with Hannah to see what was wrong and saw me on my knees.  He kept asking me what was going on and I couldn’t get anything out.  My words were right there but unable to come out coherently.  I was so confused with what was happening.  I finally was able to get something out about electricity and Nicks face went white.  Hannah ran into our room and I wanted to say I was okay but nothing else would come out except mumbling.  I knew nick was afraid it wasn’t just my speech but my whole mental state so he started giving me tests. I could remember everything but my speech was another thing.  I remember Hannah running back into the kitchen and so calmly saying “mom I just went and prayed for you and you will be okay”.  That settled me down enough to motion to Nick that I wanted to go to bed.   I felt I would be fine in the morning.   When I got up the next morning I tried to say something and only gibberish came out.  I remember not feeling fearful but just feeling so frustrated with what was going on.  Around 8 nick found a doctor on the base from America and had him come in and check me.   All my vitals were fine I just couldn’t talk.   The doctors wife went from home to home and to all the classrooms telling everyone what happened and asking for prayer.   From about 8:15 on we had people coming to our door praying for me. I was overwhelmed with the response of our YWAM community as well as others around Arusha calling and reaching out to us.   We honestly did not have more than 30 minutes where someone did not come by to see what they could do or to pray for me.  It was a little awkward when they would come and not really understand I couldn’t talk and keep asking me questions or if they thought I couldn’t understand them so they would talk to me very slowlyJ Two friends came over and cleaned our house and took care of the girls so they could get out and not be in the middle of the situation. 

Nick posted on facebook and the amount of support we received through emails, messages, and posts on our wall was unbelievable.  It made me break down in tears knowing everyone was praying for our family and for complete healing.  I don’t know why but in the midst of all of this it didn’t really occur to me to be afraid.  I took the time to rest and heal because I knew my brain needed it.  I continued to look online at peoples comments and continued to feel assured in the peace and joy I was feeling even in the midst of the pain in my head and arm and the frustration of not being able to speak.  A couple times I started talking like normal but after about a minute it went away.  I laid in bed and just thanked Jesus over and over that nothing more happened. I had no burn mark, my arm hurt but I knew nothing internally was wrong and I knew for sure I would get my speech back.   On Wednesday morning I woke up and said something to Hannah.  She freaked out and got soo excited but a minute later she brought someone into the room and I couldn’t speak again. The disappointment in her face broke my heart but then she said, “oh it’s fine mom, you will talk very very soon” and left.  I rested the rest of the day and when I woke up again I was able to speak.  Hannah made me write down on a little piece of paper “I can talk now” and she started walking out of the room with the piece of paper and ran back and said “mom you need to write on here, “from now on” so it doesn’t go away again”.  I did as she said and she ran out of our house and shouted to everyone that I was better and I could speak again! She kept saying “jesus healed my mommy like He said he would!!”.   All night she continued to look at me and say, “talk mom” and I would say something and she would smile and say “God is soo good to us huh”.  I was blown away by her attitude towards all of this.  That night despite my headache I went to the dinner at the base.  I came in and the response of the people towards me made me so overwhelmed with emotion that I had to go outside the dining hall and have a good cry (the first since this had happened).  I felt so loved.  Living here has been hard because we had to leave family and friends when we moved here.  I have felt loved and appreciated here but something changed that night.  I felt that I was truly part of a loving family and I couldn’t be more thankful to be a part of it.  I got home and continued to receive responses from some of you over the internet and rejoicing together with us in my complete healing!  I cannot begin to thank you for all of your encouragement  and your love through this.  For those of you who know me well I am someone that freaks out in circumstances like this but I felt that peace that passes all understanding.  I could continue to rejoice in the fact that God is good, even when I couldn’t say it out loud.  I didn’t understand the depths of what could have happen until the situation was over.  I will say I still need to get past the fear of the electric outlets in our house and walking into our kitchen but that fear will pass.   My head is slowly feeling better as well as my arm and I know very soon I will forget about what happened  and how I felt not being able to speak but I hope I never forget the feeling I know that was only from the Lord. The feeling of peace and the knowledge that I can’t change the situation but I can choose the way I react to it.  I can choose to give it to Jesus and trust in His goodness and relax as I watch the Lord move through a situation.  God is good and I am so thankful I can continue to proclaim that and I won’t stay silent!