The story of our little boy

Nolan with his Aunties at the home.  We are so thankful for their love for him. 

 

Every day I waited for an update.  I set up our baby’s room numerous times to just go in and tear it down. I sat in his room almost every night and prayed for wisdom and strength to be able to continue in this journey.  I know that 3 ½ months isn’t that long to wait for a child but when you are told almost every day to expect a phone call that you will be going to get your child it feels like forever.  Then, one day you are told you need to stop the process all together because you will never be able to bring a baby home and then the next day given hope that it will work out and very soon.  AAAHHHHH!!  I tried to focus on something else but every day I came home feeling something was not right in my home. I cannot tell you how many times I sat down and started a blog post about how I was feeling, how the process of bringing the baby home was going and then I just would break down in the middle and cry. I didn’t want to post a blog because I didn’t know what the next day would hold. But today is different.  Today Nolan is home.  Now I feel the freedom to share what has been happening in our lives.

Our family of FIVE

 
 
 

On Wednesday, May 8^th we were given the documents to take to the orphanage to go pick up our son; a 10 month old who had been abandoned on the side of the road when he was 3 months old.  These documents do not give us full custody but approve us to be foster parents for Nolan.  The whole morning we were running back and forth from the social welfare office to stationary shops and internet cafes trying to make sure all our documents were in order.  Finally at 2 p.m. everything was ready.  I sat in the car with the girls, still not having told them what we were doing there at the social welfare office in case something fell through…again. Then Nick came out holding a packet of papers.  He jumped into the car and rushed to our lawyers to make sure the documents were accurate and sufficient.  They gave us the go ahead of we went. Finally we told the girls.  We were in the car and they had been so good all day long.  They were tired and they both had asked to please go home.  They were tired of being in the car and waiting and waiting.  So, when we told them that it was time to get baby brother they just sat there and stared.  Hannah said “no way! no way!” then just started screaming!  Hailey started dancing and singing about going to get baby brother.  As we drove out to the orphanage my stomach was in knots. All day it had been in knots but this was even worse.  Forget butterflies, try komodo dragons!  I was finally able to think that our baby was coming home.  We realized all of a sudden we better start thinking about names. We knew his name that was given to him by the staff of the orphanage was William but we didn’t feel that was the name we wanted to give him.  The whole way out we talked about his name with the girls.  We couldn’t agree on any name.  When we arrived at the orphanage we sat outside with the girls and talked with them about what we were going to do. They broke away from us and ran towards the home where they knew he would be.  When I got there they were already inside holding his hands and talking with him.   His sweet Dada’s (aunties) had him all dressed and ready for us to take him home. They were so proud of him and just kept asking to hold him one last time.  He was a little terrified of us and kept reaching back for them.  There was one specifically that we could tell had grown attached to him.  She kissed him goodbye and told us she was so thankful he was coming to a new home where he would be forever and for us to know that she really loved him.  We are planning on a day that we can go back and visit her to show her how happy and healthy her boy is.  As we got in the car to drive away they gave us a bottle to calm him down. He had never been in a car so he was scared to death.  Of course he was, we were all white faced English-speaking strangers.  We stopped on the way home at a friends house to get his car seat and all of his clothes.   He fell asleep so overwhelmed as I sat and rocked him.  At that moment I realized there weren’t just four of us anymore, there were five!  My girls were running around with their friends as I sat holding my son.  I was in shock.  As we packed back up to head home the girls were so excited about bringing their baby brother home.  I was at that point terrified.  Nick held him in the back seat as we drove back home.   As we got home he continued to cry and be overwhelmed but the girls were so anxious to show him everything! I didn’t know what to feed him and started looking for food. He devoured everything in sight.  We played a bit with him and read him some stories.  The first real responsiveness we saw was with Hannah.  He would dance with Hannah when she would sing a song.  We put him to bed that night and he fell fast asleep.  All night I kept wondering if I would be able to hear him when he woke up.  In our little house his room is right next door.  It’s not like the walls are thick at all but I was terrified that I wouldn’t recognize his cry.  I laid awake almost all night waiting to hear him cry out.  In the morning there still hadn’t been a peep. The girls were up at 630 (normal wake up time is 730) but they were just waiting for baby brother to wake up.  As they sat outside his room we waited and waited.  Eight thirty came around and he still wasn’t up.  We finally went in at 9 and there he was lying silently.  It was baby brothers first day at home and honestly, I was terrified. We had talked about how bringing any Tanzanian guests over would be hard because he would probably recognize them and want to go to them.  About an hour after he woke up, a friend stopped by and I just held my breath. They came and tried to take him from my arms and he screamed and put his head on my shoulder.   We could not believe he had already bonded himself to us.  It was such a relief.  From then on he has been a mommy and daddy’s boy (more so daddy’s).  He has attached himself at our hip and never wants to be by himself.  The next couple of days Nolan was known as “baby brother”.  We kept trying to figure out a name that fit him. We had a long list and couldn’t match him with any of the names.  We wanted to share the news with everyone but we needed to have a name before we could share him with the world.  All night long Nick and I would look up names on the internet. We started writing down lists and calling him by different names!  Finally on Friday we settled on Nolan.  All of us were in agreement that it fit him.  The Maasai had already told us that no matter what name we gave him they had already named him.  His name was Laanyuni which means “the one we were waiting for”.  This name fits him perfectly! We had been waiting and the wait was over. He was home. 

He learned to clap after a couple of days watching the girls. 

Thumb and blanket:)

So that you can get to know Nolan a bit I will describe his personality.  He is a pretty happy baby all together but has some lungs on him!! He can scream and it is not just when he is crying.. That boy can scream any time of the day.  When Nolan is awake, everyone is awake. He screams when he is happy, he screams when he wants more food, he screams when he can’t see you, he screams when he wants his bottle, he screams when he is done with his bottle, he screams when he is playing with his toys, he screams when he wakes up (not cause he is mad, just cause).  Nolan screams!   We are trying to teach him to tone it down a bit.  One thing we didn’t think about was that naming him Nolan is a nickname.  Somehow saying “No” has lost some of its gusto as we find ourselves often calling him “no”.  It is so close to his name that we have resorted to saying “no” in new languages.  If you walk by our house, you might hear Hailey yelling, “tabala” (maasai) or or Hannah prefers “Hapana” (Swahili).  This is sadly often while we are transitioning and trying to get the noise level down a bit.   Nolan loves his sisters.  When they are home he sits and plays with them and is so content.  He loves Hannah giving him his bottle and sometimes will only eat when she is feeding him. If I try and come to take over he refuses to eat and she runs back and finishes feeding him. Hannah walks him around holding his hands and he is constantly smiling when she does that.  He loves Hailey giving him a bath and follows her all around the house.  He LOVES music and will dance and sing every time he hears music.  He is terrified of big lifelike dolls (like the girls big-girl dolls).  He hates zhu zhu pets.  He starts screaming if he sees them moving around.   At first it was funny but now I know he is genuinely afraid.  He eats ANYTHING you put in front of him as long as it is blended well. He does not like solid food but we have started to try chunkier things.  He loves to sleep and sleeps through the night at least 12 hours.  He sleeps about 3 hours in the day for naps.  When he sleeps he is a thumb sucker but also needs to grab onto some sort of clothing or blanket with the same hand he sucks his thumb with.  He loves his daddy and smiles every time Nick comes into the room.  He loves to snuggle and will let you hug him as long as you want.  Overall Nolan is a happy kid that loves to eat and sleep! 

It has been 2 ½ weeks since he has come home and our family is still adjusting to having an extra little person! People have said that going from 2 to 3 children is a huge jump.  I wasn’t sure and thought it couldn’t be that big of a difference but oh my goodness they were right!  Getting out of the house becomes an insane mess!  Nowadays, going out is a rare occasion.  Even here in Arusha we are a family that likes to get out and do something.  Now, the thought frightens me!  This post is coming so late because to try and get anything done with 3 kids around is INSANE!! And I am too tired at night to sit and think.  So, we are sorry our update of our little guy is a little delayed. 

Thank you so much for all of your support and love! We have such a long road ahead but we are really trying to be thankful for every day we have him.  We are fostering for the next 6 months and then we start the grueling process of application and court for adoption as a Tanzanian.  After that, we start to seek immigration to the states.  We are trying to be realistic in saying we won’t be heading back to the states for another 2-3 years.  This is so hard for us to imagine and honestly it is making me extremely homesick. Things could go a lot quicker but we are preparing for a long journey.  Please be praying for us and this transition as well as for the paperwork and the government here in Tanzania.  Even if it takes forever, we feel like we are ready.  Maybe if you ask us in 12 months things will be different, but as for today, we are just so grateful to Jesus’ faithfulness to give us the desires of our hearts. 

 

“I cannot read, but the Word of God has come into my life and filled my heart.”

This week we began our discipleship school in Engikaret called Taa Ya Mbali, A Distant Light, and almost everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong.  Both of our cars broke down this month so we used a motorcycle to get out to the neighboring villages to meet with students and their pastors.  A couple of students showed up without their school fees.  Two young women arrived and stayed for a day only to inform us after the first day they were in the wrong place.  They thought they were coming to computer school and would be leaving that afternoon.  Two women arrived after walking over 8 hours on foot with their luggage.  However, in the distance we noticed more than just their luggage, but also their children in tow.  Quite a bit of the week was spent maneuvering our sleeping quarters to accommodate small children.  Some of the women were forbidden by their husbands to come to class, so we had meetings over tea with the men requesting opportunities for their wives to come.  Lots of things were difficulties that needed to be overcome, but none of them were so terrible as to overshadow the incredible fruit that is growing in the hearts of the people in class.  I just wanted to quote a few things that the students shared this week from what they learned.  We had a teacher from Tanzania named Immanuel this week teaching about Sin, Repentance, and Forgiveness and this is what they learned.

“I now know what Repentance is.”  Can you imagine the value of knowing repentance?  Can you imagine the difference in life between knowing and not knowing the freedom that comes from repentance?

“Other teachers will come and go, but now have laid for us a foundation for others to build on.” 

“We thank God for the words He has brought us.  We are few here in class, but we are grateful that you teach us anyway because even though we are few, we will go out and change the rest of our people.”

“We’ve learned so much this week already.  By the end, we see that we will have been built up enough to be different.”

“The reason we are here is because of God.  We have learned things we did not know.  I am amazed God has given us as women a chance to come and learn when we would never have been able to have left.  I am full of the fear of God.”

“It is not my teacher that taught me, but my God has taught me.”

And my personal favorite from this week that has been worth any number of problems.

“I cannot read, but the Word of God has come into my life and filled my heart.”

My heart is broken

Hannah’s birthday was this past Thursday and it came with such excitement and joy until we got to Engikaret.  We arrived there in the morning to get the class set up for nick and for the girls and I to get settled to be able to help with an American team that was coming out to see Engikaret and help with a clinic.  Once we got out there a young lady came up with her mother-in-law and it seemed there was something in her hands underneath her shuka (the cloth they wear).  My mom was there as well and asked what is going on.  They got there very early for the clinic and we were wondering why.  Slowly the young girl, who is maybe 13 or 14, pulled her shuka back and I gasped.  I had never seen anything like I had seen that day.  A day that had started out being so full of life for my family as Hannah was turning 5 became a day of complete sadness in my heart. I stared at a little baby that looked as if he had already gone to be with Jesus.  I have never seen a baby so small and helpless in my entire life.

 

  My heart sank and the overwhelming emotion was showing on my face so I left to compose myself to once again go out and talk with the women.  As I joined them again my mom felt the babys chest to see if he was dead but she said she felt a pulse.  An urgency arose in us and a desire to do something but once again looking at the baby I had to leave the room, take deep breathes and come back. I knew if I showed what I felt it would scare this young mom.  I continued to try and get the story from them and they claimed the baby was born 2 weeks ago and had been unable to suck.  The mom then didn’t produce a lot of milk so in the 2 weeks since he had been born, he had been unable to eat anything.   He had literally been starving to death.  I was so surprised he was even still alive.  At that moment some more staff came around and started asking questions.  I retreated back to the place where my girls were playing and just looked at them.  The most overpowering feeling of love and thankfulness for my children surrounded me and I wept.  My heart broke for the young mama that sat helplessly with her baby in her arms, so unsure of what the future would hold for her baby.    As I ventured out again to see what the progress was I saw Nick talking with her and getting his keys out of his pocket.  It is so hard living here and trying to figure out when to help someone get to the hospital, when to push the husband harder to pay for the trip and the stay at the hospital… but this time there was no question.  Nick was ready to go and put the young mama with her sweet baby and her mother-in-law in the car and drove off in a hurry.  The first hospital with an incubator did not have electricity so Nick got back into the car and drove another 30 minutes to another hospital with an incubator.  They brought in the baby and Nick sat in the car to wait.  We have learned that no matter how badly we want to accompany someone to the hospital, for their sake it is not a good idea. The fees for the hospitals service goes up when someone sees a white face. 

This happened last Thursday and we haven’t heard yet if the baby is still alive or not.  We have heard some rumors about what happened and what is happening in that Boma of Masaai out in Engikaret.  This young mama’s sister-wife is one of my good friends out there and we asked her why she didn’t help this young mom go somewhere.  There was just silence.  There is something going on, some knowledge they have that they are trying to keep secret from all of us.  Please pray for the truth to come out, for the base to know how to approach this boma and the problems happening in it.  There are some very influential people in that boma and we are praying for safety and wisdom among the leaders there.   Please pray for the young mama as we don’t know the outcome but no matter what this is a hard time in her life.   Please pray for our hearts to continue to break for God’s people and for wisdom to know how to help those around us. 

Thank you so much for praying

The last three months in America were so great for our family.  Honestly, I was a little afraid that after going back to America I would want to stay or the I would feel it was better for our family to live in America.  We had an amazing time but it also confirmed in our hearts how much Tanzania has become a home for our family.  We loved seeing everyone and sharing our lives and hearing from all of you.  When we got on that plane to return to Tanzania I was scared because I thought that maybe I was just remembering wrong about being in Tanzania, but after setting foot in our house in Arusha it felt soo good to be HOME!  Of course, being a mom, I am always nervous about how the girls will do but it was amazing how they responded to being back!   After 5 days of travel (which I would never recommend to anyone with two kids) we rode in a school bus back to our base and the joy in Hannah and Hailey’s faces made me so happy.  They were so excited to get home.  Hannah and Hailey ran into her house so thankful to be back.  All the little neighbor kids came and Hannah just hugged them all!  While we were in America it took us forever to put our kids to bed.  Nothing was ever normal because we were moving everywhere, sleeping in different rooms, different beds, with different family, etc.  There was never any consistency and bed time was a very hard part of our day.  Since we have been here bed time has been so great! The girls are loving every minute of having their room and  their home that they know so well.

The transition home has been such a good one for our family and we are so thankful.  Thank you to all of you that have been praying for our family and our time in America and our trip back home to Tanzania. 

Since being home it has been a slow start. We didn’t realize how busy we were in the states until we came back here and thought back over the past 3 months!  This past week has been spent getting back into this time zone, saying our hellos, getting our cars fixed and reregistered and ready for the bush again and getting our home set back up with some furniture improvements (thanks to Kyle Krueger and my amazing husband).  We also spent a day going out to Maasailand, walking to the bomas and visiting our friends that we have missed while being away! The girls were so excited to get back out to see the Maasai and Hannah couldn’t get enough of the tea they were serving her in their bomas!  She was also so excited to see all of her friends that she had been going to school with before she left and they were equally excited to see her though they don’t speak each other’s language. It was so fun to watch our kids reunite with the Maasai and see their love for the people we are here to serve. 
We are also starting the process of adoption.  As most of you know we have been planning to adopt for the past year now and have been anxiously waiting the day we returned to Tanzania so we could start the process. We have turned in our paperwork for foster care and are now waiting for the social worker and the commissioner's approval.  We have visited the orphanage and met some of the children available.  Last week we met with a lawyer and were told we need to name the child we would like to bring home to foster before we can proceed.  This has been an emotional process for us but we have set some guidelines that have made it easier for us to decide what child will be in our home.  There are so many different rules here in Tanzania and so many different opinions about the way to go about finding a child that is available for adoption.  We have tried to take all of the opinions and work through them to find what is best for our family.  The girls are getting anxious to know who their little brother will be (only boys are available at this moment) and so are we!   At the end of the week last week, we named a baby and are waiting for the social worker to approve him for adoption. We are so excited to be able to share our new child with you once he meets his sisters and he comes home with us!  Please be praying for the process as just like any other process here in Tanzania there is bound to be some ups and downs and misunderstandings and frustrations along the way.  We are trying to prepare for those but we know there is really no way to be ready for what is ahead.
We miss you all and would love to hear from you!  Thank you again for everything you have done in our lives and in the ministry here in Tanzania.  We feel so blessed to have such a loving family back in the States that are praying for us and encouraging us along the way.

Update Video!

Satan's Vomit, Restored Blessings

"Tukurum alakatrwa imayanat ainei niyawa"
Translation: Vomit those blessings out Satan that you stole from me!

In the middle of class in Engikaret, we saw 3 large trucks pull into the base.  A couple of the police officers hoped out to use the restroom.  They jumped back into the trucks and rode off into the bush to quiet down the violence.  The women in class, though, were already too discrupted to continue with class.  The thought of the men from their village in harms way was too much.  They all began to weep; wailing prayers for their husbands and sons. 
The Arushan Tribe has plenty of water, but not enough land for their cattle to graze.  The Maasai have space.  They've kept their birthrights, their family lands and have plenty of room.  But the water passes through Arushan' territory.  The water line was cut and war broke out.  At the peak of the incident there were over 10,000 warriors stationed on either side of a property line chanting, clanging spears, daring each other to cross the line. 
The police failed, the chiefs failed, the government failed.  The last line of defense before the military opened fire was a small group of pastors that met to pray and adjure the warriors to stop! 
A week later I was 20 miles into the bush, again in the middle of class when a small boy ran into class.  "The Arushans are here!"  Again, the class was beyond salvaging so again we cut class short.  That night I got home safely but the Chief of Engikaret didn't.  Angry youth saw him on the road and speared him twice knocking him out of a tree.  The elder that was with him was punctured by the same spears over 20 times in his legs and arms. 

Class was ruined, homes were burned, friends were cut, speared and beaten, and peace was stolen.  Blessings were consumed.  Then, I went to church on Sunday and I heard words that changed everything.  I hear a lot of murmuring and worrying when scary things happen usually and when it comes to problems at large it seems like the common response is, "well lets play the cards we've been delt."  "God's in control, lets see what He does."  But that's not what I heard in church on Sunday from this very same group of men and women.  They sang a new song that I've not yet heard.  The translation: Satan, you vomit out those blessings you stole from me!"  Whether they have read the Bible through or not, whether they are theology scholars or not, one thing they understand better than I do; just because things are the way they are doesn't mean they have to stay that way.  At what's more, payer and intercessory worship works!  In church that day they declared, out loud, with singing and jumping, "Satan, you throw back up those blessings you stole from me!  Those are mine!  They are meant for me!  My Father intended them for my life!  Now you give them back!"  The authority of the cross isn't lost in translation nor is it masked by certain cultures.  The power of Jesus is the power of Jesus! 

The Midas Touch

 

We find the longer we are here, the more we see things we have ruined.  Of course, there are even more times Jesus has used us to mend people back together.  But the longer we are here, the more things we make a mess of.

I invited a young, bright, fresh, excited teenager to come and help with my literacy class.  I told him he could come and learn how to teach and one day God might call him to be a teacher himself.  The next week, his father came with all of his elder brothers asking for more information about when and how I was taking their son to America with me and paying for his college education...oops

I began praying months ago for a discipleship program to start in Maasailand.  We have begun meeting now in a team to pray together.  One pastor in kiserian has become a close friend.  We have talked often about discipleship for the Maasai and so recently I asked him to begin praying this through with us.  A week later, he called my boss and asked where he should write down the names of all of the people that have agreed to enter this school...uh oh

A Maasai woman, a close friend of Heidi's, was at a boma i was visiting.  She asked when mama Hannah was coming to visit.  I told her i would ask her that day when I returned when she might come.  The next morning the woman came to ask why I had lied to her.  She waited up until late into the night with already cooked tea for Heidi to come.  She never showed...fail!

The poor young girl, orphan, single mother of twins we wrote about in the post titled, The Victory, is supporting herself and her children.  We came a couple of times to visit the children and help with a little money for good milk and porridge every month and told her we could help with her education.  She went for a month to school, then her family told her that she was no longer theirs, but one of those white people.  If the white people want their children taken care of so Lightness can go to school, then the white people can pay for us to watch them.  If the white people want the babies to live in the uncle's house, then the white people can pay for the room, and the bed, and the cooking utensils...now what?

You know the Midas touch, even though it is gold, it is a curse.  What about when the things you touch ruin? What kind of a curse is it when whatever you touch is broken?  For me today, I call it a blessing.  For me, I call it revelation, enlightenment, an awakening.  If what I touch turns to gold, I am tempted to think my awesomeness is fixing Africa!  Pretty soon I start eating golden hotdogs and those neither go down nor come out easy.  The blessing for us today is to see and know that we are wandering in the dark making messes as we go, but His word, His fresh, new, living and personal Words "are a lamp to our feet and a light to our path."  When my eyes are open, I can see all the good that we are God is doing here in Tanzania AND all the things that we are ruining God is still working to restore.  I have told myself and testified to others many times about the good work WE have done for those twins and their mother.  WE have changed their lives and then WE close that book and look for something else to open up. But surely, the work JESUS is doing is certainly not finished in that family He has created.    He has restored and He will continue restoring.  How dare I give in to the pride of applying to the work of God in the hearts of men and women my need for finality so I can have feelings of productivity. 

As I read this week in Isaiah, I see myself in the lives of the Israelites.  Jesus says, through the voice of Jehovah, passing through the mind, arms, hand, down to the pen and out in the ink and soaked into the parchment paper,

 

 "Why should you be beaten anymore? Why do you persist in rebellion? Your whole head is injured, your whole heart afflicted.  From the sole of your foot to the top of your head there is no soundness — only wounds and welts and open sores, not cleansed or bandaged or soothed with olive oil."

 

In the darkness, I knock everything over, I bump my knees, I run into the wall and I get all bloodied up.  Jesus asks, "why do you keep beating yourself in the dark? Turn on the stinking light!"

Stuff gets ruined! Toes get stubbed!  Why on earth would I leave my sores uncovered and continue blundering in the dark? Cover yourself with oil, cleanse your welts and wounds, and turn the lights on so you can see! 

This week, I am reminded that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but I can do nothing except for the grace of the Lord.   The awesome stuff I see God doing in my life I give him praise.  The awful things that happen in this fallen earth, and the blunders I see myself creating, I give Him worship because He is not finished.  And as far as today is concerned, it is enough for me.