Saying Yes IS Saying No

"Yes, Lord!  I'll go where you send me!  I do what you have called me to do!  I'll suffer hardship and lay my life down for your purpose."  Hallelujah!  Its so exciting to say "Yes!" and so exhilarating.  Finally being able to articulate a plan, being able to chart a course, move forward, take direction.  It makes you feel unstoppable, too.  If I have said "YES!" to the Lord, then no harm can befall me.  No weapon formed against me shall prosper.  No height, nor depth, nor present, nor future, nor power, nor principality....

Then, we arrive in Africa as a family and together, we begin to realize maybe a little bit more of what the disciples must have felt when Jesus says, "Come, follow me" and they all respond with a resounding, "YES!!!  I will follow you!"  They don't even really pack their things.  They just go.  They leave their nets where they lay, they leave their families in the midst of fishing season, tax season, harvest time and they just go.  But when they finally arrive in some other place, away from what they used to know, away from where they fit in, away from the people they have invested years of their lives into I wonder if they realized before they left that saying "Yes!" is saying, "no", too.  Being here in Africa, in Tanzania, the land the Lord has shown us time and time again, we continue to see the incredible things God is doing here.  We continue to feel His presence and hear His voice, we continue to love the language and get excited about the potential that is building for a revival of all nations, an outpouring of the power and the spirit of God and to all of these things, we say, "YES!!!"  But then, we arrive at home after a day of prayer and fellowship and work and we remember that we have said "no", too, and that has left us with a sense of mourning that we did not expect.  We did not expect to feel mourning for the loss of our close proximity to our family.  We did not expect to mourn the loss of a coffee date or afternoon barbecue.  We did not expect to mourn the loss of Hannah's playtimes with her friends.  All of those things seemed to inconsequential before; we could take them or leave them.  If they fit into our plans, then sure.  We can go get a coffee and sit down and talk.  Sure, we can bring some toys over and let the girls play.  If it works out.  Now, we experience the cost of discipleship in a way that we did not expect and the words of the gospel come alive in a new way when Jesus says, "he who does not hate father, mother, wife, children, {coffee dates and play times] is not fit for the kingdom of heaven."  And now it makes more sense, too, because I don't hate them at all.  I love my family and my friends.  I love my father and mother.  What I hate right now is not being with them!!  But if I were to love them so much that I would allow myself to begin to hate what I have come to do here, if I would love them so much that I would give in to the temptation to feel unwanted here, to feel insignificant and worthless here, well then I begin to love them more than I love what He has for me.  If we were to turn around when things get hard, if we were to change our minds, if we were to trump up charges against ourselves, accusing ourselves of misunderstanding God's voice, selfishly following adventure rather than his will, well then we would be unfit for the kingdom all together.