The attack

Some of you may have heard about the violent events of last thursday night at our base. We have tried to inform friends and family that we are safe and wanted to tell you a little bit about what happened. The attack started long before the thieves came. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but that includes more than physical/material death. Last week we were very discouraged. The women were all very tired out in Engikaret from their circumcision celebrations and the fellowship felt so dead. The men didn't come for class and we were wondering what we are doing here; what impact are we making. After talking to some friends I realized almost everyone I talked to was going through a slump with the ministries they are involved in. Then Thursday night we got back from Engikaret and that night I had the worst dream I have had in a very long time. It was all about death and I woke up terrified feeling it definitely was an attack of the enemy. I, Heidi, have not been scared to live here in Tanzania since arriving. We have felt so safe in our home at the base and all of a sudden, after the dream, I was terrified to be here. We woke up in the morning and Nick went to help with DTS as usual and I received a text from a friend at another YWAM base asking if we are okay. I had no clue what she was talking about. She said that I may want to go talk to our base leaders. I headed right up there and found out that seven men had broken into our base and after a rally of gunfire, two of the thieves are dead. Four escaped unharmed and 1 was shot but fled. The men were only after the office and its supplies. It was a well thought out plan. They must have been planning it for a while.
My initial reaction was, "thank goodness we are all safe" but then the reality of the situation set in and fear took hold. Nick and I did not hear a thing that whole night. There were at least a dozen gunshots and we didn't hear a thing. The thieves were down by our house and we didn't hear anything. Everyone kept telling me that was God's blessing in our life cause if we would have heard we wouldn't have known what was going on and would have been afraid all night. Instead we had a good nights sleep and didn't have a night of fear. Instead of this comforting me it has brought the fear that has kept me awake the nights following. "How did I not hear something so close to my home? What happens next time when they target my house because I am a white person and we don't wake up? Will they get through our front door without us knowing?" They have picks for the locks that can open our front door without us even knowing. How could I sleep so hard that I couldn't hear that? So, every night since then I have stayed awake, checking on every noise that i hear outside. In Tanzania, that is a lot of noises!!! Chickens, dogs, rain, guards walking by, neighbors' music, etc. Nick has slept peacefully through the night except for the times I am too afraid to check on a noise myself so I wake him up. I continually recite scripture in my bed and pray that the Lord will give me peace. I know that God is in control and that He is with us and no matter what happens He is present but fear continues to grip me. After the attack people have been walking around either very afraid or apparently untouched by what happened. Some people cannot walk outside anymore at night and make sure they are inside by the time it is dark. Others have been checking their homes as soon as they get home and looking in every corner and under every bed to make sure someone is not hiding at all. Others haven't changed their routines at all. We are all taking this differently. Yesterday we had a base meeting to discuss everyones feelings. It was good to know that I wasn't the only one that was fearful about what could happen but it was also good to continue to soak in the knowledge of who God is. I continually ask myself why I am so afraid to die? If I truly believe in my Savior and everything He has promised me why am I so afraid to die and go live with him eternally?? Isn't that everyone's amazing promise who believes in Him? I get to praise my Jesus every minute of the day with no interruptions! If I truly believe then why am I so afraid? If I am in love with Jesus and truly live in a love relationship with Him every day then why wouldn't I welcome heaven? Not that we should want to be done serving him here but that the fear of this life ending is so strong, that the excitement of living with Jesus is overshadowed is confusing to me. Why? This question is drawing me closer and closer to my Savior who wasn't afraid to die for me. Please pray for us. We are safe. We are all okay. The base has instituted extra security measures and the measures they already had we're effective. But the seed of doubt and fear has been planted by the enemy and we ask for your prayers so that the overwhelming presence of God can uproot those seeds before they are able to produce fruit.

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